Cold As You

It's amazing how music can be a mirror to what you want to forget. Sometimes it can be one line in a song that can cut right through you, or point to the elephant in the room that you try to explain away or hope and pray dissipates. A song can remind you of the past or tell the story of your presen. No matter how dead inside you want to feel about something, music has a way of awakening the pain you to try to ignore.

Cold As You lyrics

You have a way of coming easily to me
And when you take, you take the very best of me
So I start a fight cause I need to feel something
And you do what you want cause I'm not what you wanted

Oh what a shame, what a rainy ending given to a perfect day
Just walk away, ain't no use defending words that you will never say
And now that I'm sitting here thinking it through
I've never been anywhere cold as you

You put up walls and paint them all a shade of gray
And I stood there loving you and wished them all away
And you come away with a great little story
Of a mess of a dreamer with the nerve to adore you

Oh what a shame, what a rainy ending given to a perfect day
So just walk away, ain't no use defending words that you will never say
And now that I'm sitting here thinking it through
I've never been anywhere cold as you

You never did give a damn thing honey but I cried, cried for you
And I know you wouldn't have told nobody if I died, died for you
Died for you

Oh what a shame, what a rainy ending given to a perfect day
Every smile you fake is so condescending
Counting all the scars you made
And now that I'm sitting here thinking it through
I've never been anywhere cold as you

-Taylor Swift

Favorite Piece of Conversation of the Week...

Mr. Cerebral: Can you believe she had the nerve to send me a message? I mean look at me...she can't be serious (looking at a message on a dating site)

Me: Yeah...just as a rule I don't send men messages because you never know if they will find you attractive or not and won't want to take that risk.

Mr. Cerebral: Oh you know you are above average and totally attractive, you could send a guy a message.

Me: Thanks, yeah but you haven't seen me naked to say that.

Mr. Cerebral: Is that an invitation?

Aren't goals suppose to be fun?

I have a coworker Mr. Cerebral who is hell-bent on me finding a suitable hook-up partner for the spring and summer season. He is pretty much all about free-love and am disgusted with my lack thereof. However, I am a little skeptical about finding a Mr. Right Now for Fun and am more looking for Mr. Forever, so I have decided to meet him halfway. We have decided on separating these needs into short-term goal and long-term goal. For example, deciding to do eharmony goes more towards the long-term goal, yet going out on a Friday night to a bar would help aid in the short-term goal department.

So far I am failing miserably at both because basically I am just a really picky person and have problems committing to something unless it just sucks me in. Truth be told my heart is somewhere else in a dead-end zone going absolutely nowhere, but I know I must trudge onward.

Anyway, I have pretty much closed half the matches I get on a daily bases from eharmony and am avoiding a potential Mr. Fun because his voice sounds like Jerry Lewis.

It's sufficient to say that I am NOT having fun am bored with the whole process. I guess I am old-fashion and delusional to think that the right thing will just come along when I least expect it. The best most amazing relationships I have had have happened by chance...so is it too far off to believe that my love-life will continue this way?

Moonlight within House Hunters...

The first Saturday of March, I dragged myself home after spending Friday night drinking and dancing the night away. Though I was exhausted physically and emotionally, I was determined to do my taxes online (which I ended up not doing and paid a coworker 50 bucks to do it) but anyway, I clicked on the tv and there was a movie playing in the background and something about it captured my attention and I started watching it. It was called Moonlight Mile and I really didn't know what it was about since I was a good hour into it, but something about the characters Jo Jo and Joe really got me.

Anyway, there was a scene in the movie that still gets me to this day. The mom character Jo Jo was telling this guy Joe (who I believe was engaged to her dead daugther) about knowing when you found the one. The line that got me was "You find your home, and it may not be what you thought - you know; colour's off, style's wrong... but there it is anyway and to hell with you if you can't take a joke."

Then there was the letter at the end where he writes to a girl he fell in love with: Dear Bertie, You asked me before where I went. And I want to tell you. I went to a place where nothing's right, where every moment's backwards, every sky's without colour, without hope. I tried to come back, Bertie. But I got lost. And while I was gone, I met you. And I didn't even have the courage to realize I was home. A wise friend of mine told me "we all have our homes", and now I know it's true. I hope you get this letter, Bertie. I figure I got 75 chances. Cause if you do you'll know that in the end, that's where I was. I found home, Bertie. I found you. I hope you can find your's soon. Get there - as fast as you can. And write me when you do. Love, Joe.

When I heard this, it really got to me and I cried kid-you-not for an hour straight. Consequently, now when I watch House Hunters on HGTV and the couple doesn't pick the house that I think they should...I somehow get personally offended and find myself shouting at the TV..."To hell with you if you can't take the joke."

Favorite Piece of Conversation of Last Week...

On the phone with friend Banana Friday at 8:00pm...

Banana: Hey I'm sorry I haven't called...I kept telling myself I should to see how you are doing...How are you feeling?

Me: I'm alive...(laugh) I was crying three times a day, but now it's about once a day...oddly enough around mid-day.

Banana: Wow...you are doing really well!!! Better than I was last year when I was trying to get over that whole situation with *****.

Me: (Laugh)

Banana: No seriously when you cry once a day...you know you are well on your way to being okay!

And the Battle Rages On!!!

So there are two things that I try to fight on a daily bases and yes there are those times I fail, but I try to dust myself off and try, try, try again. And those two things my friends are getting fat and aging. I was once shall I say robust...and have pledge to never go over a size 8 again. I am also 28 going on 29, single and without child; therefore, I must retain my youthful appearance of someone of bearing age to attractive potential mates.

My battle is so serious that though I won't spend over 15 dollars for a hair-cut (love the Super-Cuts) or pay more than two bucks for a pair of gloves in the dead of winter, I will without batting an eye spend 40 bucks on 3 ozs of what I call hope in a jar to fight off any and all free radicals that will cause me to age, and I will also purchase dvd after dvd of workouts to make sure I stay in shape. Therefore what I am about to tell you...is quite horrifying in my book.

So yesterday as I was plucking my eyebrows (must keep the whole Bert & Ernie look at bay), I noticed something quite strange. As I turned on an extra light and looked closer, there it was in all its ghastly glory...a white hair hiding in the serenity of my black hair above my left eye.

Who the hell am I...Grandma Moses!!!! I swear if one pops up in the "Delta"...I will probably die of a stroke. I am going to attribute this little incident to stress which I know that I have been dealing with lately. So I have decided...dignity be damn! If I have run out to buy a rabbit to make sure I stay stress free then it will be well worth it.

Of course there is always taking everything to the Lord in prayer option which is also free...